How to Make a Cryptocurrency

by Finn, Grade 6

After watching Jschlatt, you probably have a good idea of Schlattcoin, Jschlatt’s take on cryptocurrency. So now you want in on the cryptocurrency train while it’s hot. So, here’s a guide to navigating this rough world.

Step 1: Ideas

So, your first idea is to make a cryptocurrency. That’s a start. Now you need to decide what your crypto can be used for. For example, it can be used as an alternate for money in businesses who accept the crypto. Now for a name. You got to come up with a cool or catchy name. For this article’s example, we’ll call it Totally-Not-An-Exit-Scam Coin.

Step 2: Audience

Now you have a crypto that has a name and a use. Now what? Well, find people to use and invest in your coin. People these days see an opportunity in crypto from successful cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, and are excited to invest in new crypto. So, find the people that are interested, digitally or physically. For this example, our audience is in Minecraft.

Step 3: Sales

So you have your crypto and some buyers. Now what? Now, you pitch the crypto to them. If you don’t know how, here’s a list of things you should mention:

• Mention how big other crypto has and explain how your crypto would be the same.

• Try to come up with an excuse on why your crypto is unique (Even if it’s not!)

• Finally, do whatever. These suckers only care about the crypto, so mention Donald Trump or whatever!

Once your pitch is done, investors would be begging for the crypto for a lot of money. Accept this offer, it’ll get you some time to spread more of your crypto and keep you alive and fed. Once more people have their hands and have used your crypto, demand will become higher, so raise your price so that people will have to pay more than originally for your crypto. Keep on repeating this until you’re comfortable with your wealth. For the example, we kept on supporting our crypto for 5 years before we quit with $5,000,000 worth of crypto and $10,000,000 worth of actual cash.

Step 4: RUN

After your retirement, go to everyone who bought the crypto after the original investors and tell them it was an exit scam. Basically you tell them it was a scam with no refund, and then run before they realise. After you tell everyone, everyone is mad at you, investors, media, and much more. You then run and know that you’ll never be left alone and you’ll never have the life you wanted and you start to cry and wonder if it was even worth it.

Anywho, that’s how to make a crypto. You Jschlatt wannabe finally made your own crypto, following every step along the way. So enjoy your jail time buddy, because I’m pretty sure doing these steps are illegal.